Mar 012012
 
Wedding of Jessica and Dave

Today is the 4th anniversary of my wedding day with my wonderful wife.

We got married on a gorgeous day in Colorado at a beautiful place, surrounded by friends and family that love us; truly one of the best days of my life.

The reason for our success is a variety of things, probably many more things than I will mention here but my wife is the number one reason in my book. Of course we balance each other well, I’m a bit impulsive and she balances me there… I won’t list any more for fear of inserting my foot in my mouth, which I do a lot. I often have good intentions but the words may not come out the way I intended.

I know that I post on most days about the day-to-day aspects of Thomas and I, what we do, how he is doing, where we went and how I dealt with things. What I do not often post about is how I get through the day, the week, or the month… Well I am here to share with everyone that the reason I am able to stay at home with Thomas each day and still be a sane adult is because of my wife. When she comes home from work, she will take Thomas to spend their quality time together. I’m sure that she wants to spend time with Thomas, but she will usually take him right away so that I can relax. We are in a situation that most couples are not, where we can empathize with each other on the emotions of the day. Dogs stressed me out during nap time? She understands… Thomas didn’t want to take his afternoon nap today and is fussy? She understands… Mailman came up and knocked on the door, making the dogs go crazy, the baby cry, me pull my hair out, all while trying to get him to take a nap? She understands…

I know that she has it harder than I do. She wakes up to feed Thomas during the night which could be once or multiple times… she gets up early to go to work, works all day in a stressful office with people that do not always understand her job or responsibilities or why she is attempting to do what she is doing… she pumps breastmilk at work so that Thomas has milk for the next day. Then she comes home, takes Thomas from me, cooks dinner more frequently than I do, gives him a bath every other day, does his bedtime routine and puts him to sleep.

Me? I get to sleep until 8am or after on most days. I get a break after 4pm or so when she gets home and I just put the bath stuff away and wash bottles for the next day. I get to play with Thomas all day long, go to parks, go on hikes, laugh and giggle while she deals with difficult people… I really feel like I have the better end of the bargain here.

My wife is the voice of reason in our relationship. She understands and loves me for who I am and I do not mean the person I pretend to be, but the person I really am, faults and all. That is the rare thing here. When I started this blog and started devoting a lot of time to getting more traffic, SEO, Twitter, and other social media she let me know that she was behind me for the obvious reasons that the blog helps me share our story and document an important time in our son’s life. But she also let me know that I shouldn’t get too passionate and forget about she and Thomas, which I tend to do (throw myself into a new project with everything I have). This is what I love about her… She knows my faults and still loves me. She doesn’t try to change me (at least that much ;) ). She encourages me to get out and spend some time away from her and Thomas, for me to be an individual as well as her husband and Thomas’ father.

I know that we are still figuring all of this parenting and family stuff out, but without my wife there to support me, we would have failed a long time ago!

I love you and hope that Thomas can look back on this someday and go… “So that is why their marriage works!” Of course we communicate a lot, much more than we used to.. that is key in any relationship. We also share similar goals and we talk about them frequently, both short term and long term goals. We want the best for Thomas too and that is helpful. I am sure that the fact she was so supportive of me quitting my job and staying home with Thomas each day is a big sign that she trusts in me and my ability to raise our son right.

We definitely need to figure out how to get more alone time and how to keep our intimacy strong, but I imagine that is something all couples with small/young children go through. Parenting is definitely a sacrifice for everyone involved.

  96 Responses to “My Wife is the Reason Our Relationship is Successful and Our Son Happy”

  1. Congratulations!!
    I love reading about the ups and downs from a dad’s perspective! Sounds like you are doing an amazing job!

    • I’m sure there will be plenty of days ahead where we don’t do an amazing job and the day-by-day isn’t always easy but we think that it is the journey that makes the trip, not the destination!

  2. What a loving tribute to your wife!

  3. I’m such a LUCKY woman!! Thank you babe – you are the part of me that I was missing my whole life. We balance eachother and keep eachother sane in all of life’s hectic moments. YOU are AMAZING and I am so glad to have you as my best friend, partner and love of my life! And now you are the best FATHER to our lil man!

  4. Congratulations! Today is my eldest daughter’s wedding anniversary as well. It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage.
    Red.

  5. Wonderful words and so heartfelt. Congrats!

  6. What a wonderful tribute to your wife. But I am sure it is not a one (wo)man show. I tend to believe her side of the story to, you, as a couple, balance each other.

    I believe that the fact that you (as a man) take your responsibility and stay home with your son (now, I don’t know the underlying reasons to why, but I assume it is that you want to. But at the same time I do not believe that it is especially common in the US).

    Nevertheless, I think that this is ONE huge reason why you will be happy ever after.

    Your actions show that you (both) are attentive to each others feelings and wishes. And with that respect there are no boundaries to a happy relationship. Keep on your good work and never stop working on it.

    All the best.
    Louise (19 years and two children later, a woman who is still very happy in her relationship)

    • I think the easiest thing to say is that we try to be on the same page and the same team as much as possible, work together as a cohesive unit and talk things out… works most of the time ;)

  7. Beautiful tribute to your wife. But says a lot about you too. With your heart in the right place as it is, you are sure to do well in marriage and parenting. God bless.

  8. Sounds like you and your wife are about where my husband and I…and we’ve been married 41 years. Although our marriage is more traditional where he brings home the bacon for me to cook, we’ve learned that liking one another for who we are and communicating regularly go hand-in-hand with love, to make for a happily-ever-after.

    Congrats on figuring married life out early on…and here’s wishing you 50+ more years of wedded bliss…despite life’s ups and downs.

    hugs for liking my post…hugmamma. :)

  9. Another reason your marriage works is that you see your wife’s point of view and know she faces her own set of challenges. Many dads (and moms) don’t even get that far. Kudos to you both. Your children are blessed for sure.

  10. Great post CO neighbor!

  11. I was going to say you are one lucky dad but really, you and your wife are both very lucky that you have the kind of relationship you described. I have to admit, it took me 2 other tries before I finally found the right guy that it works with. We’ve been married for 18 years and have one amazing 16-yr-old son.

    Although I’m the stay-at-home mom, there was a brief 6-month period where my husband got laid off so I immediately found a job since we didn’t know how long the situation might last. Even though no one likes to be out of work, it gave him a chance to spend time with our son (then 2 years old) on a 24/7 basis. I think we both came to appreciate each other more after that. :)

    • Did that time where your husband stayed home allow you both to appreciate how difficult the other had it? That has been our experience so far… we empathize with each other and understand the difficulties that each faces, that helps a lot.

  12. My husband was a stay-at-home-dad for 4 years. Worked out great for us!

    • So far things are working out well for us, we’ll see how things are in four years and I’ll post a recap ;)

  13. Love this story and congratulations. So great that you and your wife have the experiences to mutually appreciate one another. You can each understand why the other might be cranky some days…:> !
    Thanks for the “like” on my post about balancing full-time motherhood (or fatherhood) with writing!

    http://superherounderpants.com/2012/03/05/report-from-chicago-writer-mother-writer/

  14. touching post!

  15. I found you through your “like” on my post today – thanks so much for stopping by!

    I think you and your wife will do great, because your mutual trust, respect and fondness for each other are clear. I remember those early parenting years in our marriage, and they were tough. The one thing that got us through all the disagreements and fighting was the fact that we still thought so highly of each other. I’ve seen too many couples disintegrate in terms of respect…even if they stay together they become really hostile.

    My husband was a stay-at-home dad for a time too, and he always remembers how isolating it was. I think it’s great you are blogging and it’s so important for more dad voices to be out there.

    Happy Anniversary!

  16. Your title alone rocks. I have met three stay at home dads in the last five years and they all balance it differently. Sounds like you have got it together. Great job, great post.

  17. Thanks for reading and appreciating my posts. It seems like you have a lovely family.

  18. What a great dad you are! I’m sure everyone who is or was a stay-at-home parent totally understands your challenges. (I had this wonderful UPS guy who would just quietly put the packages on the porch … none of that doorbell ringing, waking up the baby!) You and your wife are lucky to have each other. Keep up the good communication and the great parenting blog!

  19. heartwarming–loved it.

  20. That was such a sweet post. As a stay at home mom, I am so impressed that your wife realizes how important it is to give you a break right away when she gets home. And it’s so important that you realize her frustrations,too. My husband and I are celebrating our 25 th anniversary this year (4 kids later)! The time goes so quickly. Enjoy every little bit of it!
    Thanks for liking my Milky Way post. Kudos to your wife on the breastfeeding.

    • Thanks Nancy, we are still figuring it out day by day, but hope we have a good foundation that we keep building from.

  21. I can’t understand it. Didn’t you get a manual with your kid? We got one with ours. Unfortunately I can’t read Mandarin.

  22. What sweet words – you are obviously a great father, husband, and partner!

  23. I enjoyed reading through your posts, and thanks for liking mine on ADHD or sleep disorder!

    Kirsten

  24. Your wife reminds me a lot of my husband. I remember at our pre cana that we had to say the one thing that you admired most in your spouse. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say, but since that moment I am so aware of the fact that that is the thing that makes us work. He loves me for exactly who I am. There are probably a thousand things I could be better at, but he never asks me to change a thing.

  25. Lovely tribute to you wife. It is always nice to be recognized publicly.

  26. Nice article for other couples to try to emulate! Glad you liked my blog post on parenting!

  27. I hope I can use this blog as an influence when my kids grow up and also say, “So that’s how their marriage works”. Thank you for checking my blog as well.

  28. Congratulations.

  29. My husband would be very jealous, he too would love to stay at home withour son. Maybe one day he and I can both be stay at home parents
    Sigh *When I’m big*

  30. It’s so very nice that you appreciate what you have. Thanks for sharing. Thank you for visiting my site as well.

  31. It’s sweet of you to appreciate the effort your wife puts in. It’s a great reminder for those of us with working spouses to recognize and appreciate their effort. Thanks for that reminder. But don’t underestimate your own effort along the way. Taking care of a child all day is not an easy job.

  32. What a beautiful sentiment you share here . . . I do not know you personally, but even so, I must say thank you for being the husband and father you are called to be; a man of upstanding morals and integrity. I can imagine your family is an incredibly strong unit and blessing to know.

    Blessings,
    Cara

  33. Happy Anniversary! This post is so lovely and romantic.

  34. This is a wonderful blog. I really admire and respect your values, thank you for sharing your viewpoint as a father at home with us. My partner and I don’t have ny children at this point, but it’s always great to read on how other couples tackle these challenges in life. :)

    • There are an infinite way to do things, always have to find out what works best for you, my wife and I have been fortunate to figure that out early (so far) ;)

  35. Thanks for spending some time looking at Storyteller. — Ray

  36. Just wanted to say thanks for stopping by and liking my post. You have a really interesting blog over here. Will definitely come back to read the perspective from a different kind of ‘stay-at-home’!

  37. So sweet. Sounds like you guys balance each other out pretty well and most of all, appreciate what eachother does. :)

  38. Wow, what a lovely and very touching tribute to your wife and your marriage. You are living the topic of one of my upcoming posts: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.” – Father Theodore Hesburgh. Thank you! (And thanks for stopping by my blog as well!)

  39. It’s good to know a husband who appreciates his wife…others need a clue.

    http://thewishfactor.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/battle-of-the-bottles/

    http://thewishfactor.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/the-commodus-in-my-life/

    In case you were interested in reading the clueless :)

    Thanks for stopping by and reading

  40. A lovely post! Keep up the dedication and good work to building your family.
    Thanks for sharing openly about the challenges you face in your parenting journey, and thanks also for dropping by my blog and appreciating it. :-)
    I will be checking in regularly to yours.

  41. Good for you for acknowledging your wife and being able to talk about your relationship. Kids do make it hard to spend time together. Do you all try date nights? Together, you will build strong bonds for yourselves and your child(ten).

    • We’ve had a few date nights and we do need to do more… we are still figuring this all out but we are slowly working out more time for each other. The routine that we have really helps and Thomas’ sleep schedule helps too. I know that every now and then we need to shake it up a little and be spontaneous, inject some excitement into our lives… right now our son does all of that for us :)

      Thanks for the reply!

  42. Very nice post…congratulations on having a great partner!

  43. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I deeply appreciate it.

    This post is awesome! I love how you have kept it simple and to the point. It is about and for your wife.

    May you have many years of happiness.

    Be encouraged.

  44. Hey congrats! I could have seen my 8th year anni but its not meant to be. Ours ended one month short of our 6th. Its great to have another dad blogging away, I thought its rare. I’d follow you, thanks that you’ve dropped by mine too! Cheers from Singapore!

    • Thanks for the visit. I hope that you find another love if that is what you are looking for :) Relationships are tough and the stresses of today don’t make them any easier.

  45. What a beautiful post!

  46. You are obviously an enlightened man…give credit where credit is due! As a matter of principle, I occasionally give credit where it’s not due, too, just to be safe.

    • Happy wife happy life right? Truthfully though, my wife bears a big burden as mother, professional and spouse. She deserves a lot of credit and praise :)

  47. Wonderful tribute to your wife and family. I think you have the key to a long, loving marriage. We can learn a lot from you. Thanks for sharing. The best!!! –jim

  48. That was a beautiful tribute to your wife. I am sure both of you do a lot of work to get everything work the way it does. It was lovely reading this! And congratulations, and best wishes to both of you on your anniversary.

  49. Sometimes, the truth just is!! Wow, this is awesome post!

  50. Hey! Wanted to stop in and check on you after you “liked” my post. Thanks. Although my marriage is traditional (I stayed at home with 5 kids, home schooled, nurtured, etc.), I am happy that you and your wife found a lifestyle that works for you and Thomas. So important that your son has stability in the home and that you, as parents, are comfortable in your roles. Your wedding picture is beautiful!

    • Thank you Debbie! Our wedding day! Really the best day of my life (along with Thomas’ birth) was so great is so many ways! The experience we had was perfect for who we are and we couldn’t have asked for more.

  51. Great stuff! I really enjoyed your post! I think it is awesome that the rolls have been reversed and you rock it!

    • Molly, my wife wishes she could stay home of course and would jump at the opportunity, but alas her salary is double what mine was and that just wasn’t economically feasible for us. Thanks for the comment!

  52. Thanks for visiting my little realm;I’m glad you liked it.I enjoyed your post very much;it reminded me of SEVERAL years ago.I am 60 something and my “baby boy”is closer to your age than your son’s.Best of luck ( as if luck has anything to do with it );and keep on loving and holding one another.

    • Thanks for coming and visiting :) My wife and I are working on our relationship, being honest and truthful hurts sometimes but lets us work out our issues when they appear :)

  53. Good on you! Love your work. Am I new or what? I can’t find your like button?

  54. Wow! What an inspiring post! I am sure that letting your wife know you think the world of her helps your relationship too!!!! Good work!

  55. AWWWW nice to see a partner give props. You are a lucky person. And you know it.

  56. Thank you for checking out my blog and giving me a chance to read yours. I look forward to more!

  57. Thanks for the like! This is a truly lovely post :-)

  58. Lovely post! great to hear a Dad’s perspective :)

  59. Thank you for stopping by my blog and liking my review of the parenting book, Momaholic by Dena Higley.
    I will soon review another book for young people called “How to Ruin Your Life by Thirty”.

    After reading the beautiful tribute you wrote to and about your wife,I don’t expect that you two will ruin your life, I wish every young couple felt like you two. We’d see far fewer divorces.

    Someone like you encourages me about your generation. My husband and I are going on fifty-three years of marriage and I will pray even better for you two.

    Blessings to you,
    Geni White, RN, MS (psych) (retired) and professional book reviewer

    • Geni White,

      Thanks for such a wonderful compliment. We are in love… we are realists too, we know to talk about our problems, spend time with each other share our goals and dreams and be open and honest (the two keys we’ve found so far).

      Thanks for visiting, I hope you will come by often!

  60. So sweet!

  61. Great post! It sounds like your wife has taken the time to see, hear and understand you and that nourishes you in all that you do. What great role models you will be for Thomas!
    Thanks for supporting us and look forward to reading more posts in the future.

  62. Sounds like you are being the husband too. Good to read such positive thoughts about marriage. Keep it up!

  63. A beautiful testimony. I wish you and your family all the best.

  64. Wow! Congratulations to both of you! You sound like a great guy — I know this because I have one too and you sound like him. ;) In our family, I am the work-at-home parent, and reading your blog brings me right back to the early days. Thomas is a beautiful boy — it’s so cool that you are documenting his life and yours in this way. Thanks for dropping by my blog, by the way, and liking my crapfest post!

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