I usually post about Thomas and our day-to-day dealings, but this will be more about being a parent/adult, at least from my perspective…
I have no friends…
OK I have friends that I grew up with, went to school with and were even in my wedding. These are my best friends and they are truly my friends at any time I need them, but they don’t live around me. Throughout the years as life has happened, we have slowly moved away from where we grew up for one reason or another… job opportunities mainly, that have meant that we no longer live in the same community as we did 15 years ago. I miss these guys a lot as they are the friends to whom I have the closest connections. I call them when I need to vent, ask questions, just chat, send pictures, or to keep up. I’ll admit that I don’t do this as much as I want to or would like, but it happens. I really wish we lived closer together and that we could be as close as we were back in the day, but I know that things have changed.
I have some friends from work too, that I just recently came to realize were all that I had locally, but as we rarely hang out (at least outside of the office, which I go to once a week or so), I feel kind of weird trying to insert myself into that circle (outside of the workplace) as they already have their own friends etc.
Our Families Are Pretty Spread Out
Our families are pretty spread out… being well dispersed around the country and there are only a handful within 90 miles of us. This means that we don’t see them that often and rarely are they over nor is it convenient for them to visit with Thomas without significant planning. Sure we see family at holidays, but we are seeking something more than that (at least I am, I don’t want to speak for my wife).
Ideally I’d like some family and friends nearby that we can interact with on a regular basis. I was always envious of my friends who had a lot of family around while growing up. They would have aunts/uncles, cousins, brothers/sisters grandparents all nearby and were an integral part of their upbringing. They were raised not just by their parents, but with family being a big part of their lives. This is what I want for Thomas. Right now I don’t feel like we are in a place to offer that, at least how things currently stand. We really do feel rather alone and isolated where we are.
Is This Just Part of Growing up?
As parents at least, is this just something that comes up and you have to decide how best to proceed? I’m really at a loss as the best way to proceed as I don’t see a way to do something without hurting some of those close to us and I fear just by writing this article that some in my family will take this personally and I don’t intend it that way. We are just trying to determine what is in the best interests of Thomas, where and how we would like him to grow up and the types of surroundings he does this in.
I know that we can make new friends and we have been attending some parent groups a few times a month, been active at parks, friendly with other people; but who with children has that much time to make new friends and then time to hang out with them? This whole realization came about because caring for Thomas the past three months meant that I hadn’t really done anything outside of the house for myself, which led me to realize I don’t have anyone to do anything with! While I was working, I had fulfilled this need by just being at work and all of the interactions in the workplace. Now that I no longer have that, I am having a hard time figuring out how to maintain some adult friendships.
This is a work in progress… I did get out to a friend’s house and enjoy a night of UFC matches. I have another outing coming up to go to a hockey game… Ultimately though, I know there is still a problem and both my needs and my wife’s needs are fully being met somewhere by outside relationships. We’ve known this for a while but now that we actually need the relationships, things are a little harder because they aren’t there.
What About You?
Has anyone gone through this? Care to share your thoughts/feelings on this? Please Comment!