He is walking everywhere, climbing, running, asking what everything is (in his own way) and generally exploring the world as he should be. So please excuse the long absence.

I was spurred to post today because I took Tommy to the park, along with our german shepherd dog (which I never do). We’ve had quite a lot of cold and wet weather lately and the last few days have finally been warm and dry so a nice park day in the morning seemed like an extra treat.

We get to the park, toddler in arms, dog on leash and basketball in Tommy’s arms, this was quite a production getting out of the truck, let me tell you. I wanted to take some pictures and send them to mommy, but just didn’t have the coordination or a spare hand. We arrived and were alone, so we walked to the playground, Tommy climbed up the stairs to play on a slide. I stayed below with our dog, Cooper. Now I should explain that Cooper is about 100lbs and very lovable, but he gets excited around people and taking him to the park was somewhat an experiment. I want him to be comfortable at the park and around more people and was hoping that an easy 45 minutes would transpire.

A few minutes go by with Tommy playing and a dad and two little girls come to the playground. Both girls are under three years old and the dad is probably my age. They seem hesitant about my dog and ask if he is friendly. I say yes, assure them I have him on leash and in my control and they play on the playground. Out of the corner of my eye I notice some dogs running around on the baseball field, off leash. The dogs aren’t causing any trouble, but there is a leash law in the city and the park has signs up informing everyone of the expectations on leashes. I don’t really think anything of this as the dogs are about 100 yards away.

Tommy decides to climb to the tallest slide, one I cannot reach because I am on the ground with our dog, Cooper, I get a bit nervous as Tommy has never gone down this covered tube slide and he has a tendency to drag his feet and get stuck on slides. The fact that he was six feet above me in the air may have also made me a bit nervous as well.

As I was fretting over Tommy being so high up and contemplating going down the big slide, the I heard the other dad tell his daughters that they were going to leave and go to grandma’s house. Now they had only been there five minutes or so and I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t the cause of their poor park experience, so I apologized if I had ruined their park day. The other dad said “No, I just don’t feel comfortable with that pit bull and other dog running off leash.” So he and his daughters left, hurriedly. Cooper and I climbed up the playground to get Tommy, as he was apparently unsure how to get down and was getting unhappy. While we were at the top of the playground we watched the dogs roam all around the park, covering the whole area. Not really bothering anything, not being agressive.

I gather up Tommy and Cooper, and walk over to the woman eating her lunch who seems to be the owner of the dogs and ask if she is indeed the owner.

Me: “Hi, do those happen to be your dogs?”

Her: “Yep, all three of them.”

Me: “Do you happen to have leashes for them? A family just left the park because they were scared about dogs off leash.”

Her: “My dogs don’t bother anyone.”

Me: “They seem well trained, but there is a leash law and that family was worried about their safety.”

Her: “I didn’t see anyone, I don’t see any kids.”

Me: “They’ve already left.”

Her: “Well I come to this park all the time and it has never been a problem.”

Me: “Regardless of how often you frequent this park there is still a leash law. If you want your dogs off leash you can take them to one of several dog parks that the city has.”

Her: “I don’t like dog parks, too many dogs.”

Me: “The park is for fair use by everyone so they can feel safe doing so, which means keeping your dogs on leash while you are here.”

Her: “You are not my mother or my father and cannot tell me what to do. People like you are why we have so many problems.”

Me: “I’d just like your dogs on leash while you are here.”

(This goes back and forth for another minute or so)

Her: “We’re leaving.”

Anyways, she did leave and I was a bit riled up. All I want is for fair use of the park by everyone in a safe environment. I did not mean to be such a jerk, if I was. I had my dog on leash, I had my son to worry about but other people were leaving because her dogs were off leash and they were too concerned to go talk to her about it (with young children).

Please share your comments and concerns in the comments………

We had a wonderful time over the fourth of July but this was also our first time flying with Thomas and he did exceptional!

Yes he may have fussed for a minute or two every now and then during the four hour flight but what he did not do was scream the entire time (which we are very thankful for).

There must be something about just entering an airplane with a young child that causes some people to give you cold shoulders and dirty looks as we received many. Thomas was an amazing child the entire flight and was not deserving of any “ugh I can’t believe I have to fly with a baby” looks.

To help during take-off and landing he was either nursed or given a bottle of water or milk so that he would swallow and help pop his ears/equalize pressure.

We did “lap” him and he wandered between mommy and daddy the entire time. There were some difficulties when drinks or food was served as Thomas wanted them badly.

I will write more about going through security, waiting at the gate etc in my next post.

Wow… for over six months he has had rice cereal AT LEAST twice a day. Well no wonder then that he no longer wants oatmeal/rice cereal.

What does he want? Well he wants what Mommy and Daddy are eating of course… Boy that sure makes lunch time more difficult for me and has also made me realize that I eat unbalanced meals on a regular basis. I don’t eat poorly, but I don’t eat grains, vegetables and fruit at every meal.

As we cook at home every day, I often have leftovers for lunch and this means that Thomas is now sharing my leftovers with me, supplemented with some infant/toddler fruit & veggie food pouches to ensure that he is getting proper nutrition.

We have been fortunate, I suppose… that Thomas has been willing to eat the same thing, day after day for so many months without complaint. What we are hoping is that Thomas doesn’t become the picky toddler that only eats chicken nuggets and mac n’ cheese.

He was not injured, don’t be alarmed. I heard a few light cries and checked his video monitor to see an empty crib!!

I went into his room and he was just sitting on the floor looking at me calmly.

He crib has now been lowered to its lowest setting (we had previously lowered it to the lowest setting without flipping the mounting bars upside-down but this time it really will not go lower…

Hopefully this keeps him in his crib for another year! )

What I Miss Most

I worked for my employer for just over 13 years. I went through a few promotions and I was working on another, whether or not I would get one I’m not sure but I was working hard toward it. I felt like I was a very valuable piece of the company and that surely things would be worse off if I left. Before I left, I had asked for my personal leave to be extended to six months (the maximum allowed), this was ‘just-in-case’ our situation changed for whatever reason. I wanted to have a fall-back plan just in case… My request for six months of leave was denied, I was given one month of leave while they figured out to whom and how to request the full six months, but that never went through.

Before I left, I also asked if they could keep me on, but as part-time. Now, I wasn’t really expecting them to say yes to this… no one else in the department with my job works part-time and I don’t think they wanted to set a precedent for future people. I guess I thought they would entertain the idea though, as someone else was going out on leave for the birth of their child and perhaps they would need me to stick around for a little bit longer to help with the workload.

So I felt as though I had value and that the value I had would provide me some leeway. I guess I felt somewhat unreplaceable? (Not really, but I felt I did an excellent job and that they would want to keep me around). I wasn’t trying to strong-arm the company to meet ridiculous demands by any means. I felt that going from a staff of three, to a staff of one (temporarily while the other person was out for bonding), that perhaps they would want to keep me on, part-time, to help. Well I guess they showed me? I feel humbled now and riddled with questions about the quality of employee and worker that I really was… Perhaps it did not matter whether I was good or bad, perhaps a policy is a policy.

I worked really hard the last few years to get where I was and had forged some wonderful friendships. The department I worked in was putting some good effort forward to invoke some major changes and while it wasn’t all good for everyone, there were a LOT of benefits. I was learning a ton and I miss that.

Moral of the Story?

You are replaceable, or in my case they may not even replace you, they may just go on without that job altogether. Sure things may be in a slight decline for a while until others can pick up the slack. Be thankful for your job, do your best for it, work hard at it, put forth critical thought, effort, be nice, creative, communicate, and have fun while you are at work.

Even though you may do a lot of the work today, the company could go on without you tomorrow.

Good-bye to all of my work friends… many of you still hear from me daily on Facebook and see pictures of my life and know that I am moving on to greater things. My thirst for technology and learning will never be quenched, I still read to stay current. The last 13 years have made me the amazing father that Thomas thinks I am.

I’m basing these expectations on Leave it to Beaver, which is a TV show most people are probably familiar with. There have been times where I wish I could be this super-mom or super-dad that people see in movies or television as if that would be easier. I guess it is time to summon my June Cleaver powers! I do not know how people find time to get things done during the day while watching infants… What I did on Wednesday was vacuum/sweep and clean the bathroom mirror and toilet. I did this courtesy of the BABYBJÖRN Baby Carrier that we received as a baby shower gift. This amount of cleaning took about an hour… Thomas enjoyed himself the whole time, we listened to The Beatles and Bon Jovi while cleaning.

I have decided to try and get more things done, each day, that keep me busy and will keep our home clean. Perhaps I’ll even upgrade a few things around the house!

Between Thomas’ feedings, naps and the rest being playtime, I use what time I have to relax (typically) but I now realize I should get in the habit of doing some things around the house each day.

What are your secrets for getting things done at home? I need all the help I can get!

Note to my wife: You are amazing, this isn’t criticism, please don’t take it that way

If Thomas starts crying, my wife is quick to render hugs, kisses and nurturing. When this happens and it is just Thomas and I, I don’t rush to pick him up and I don’t immediately plant hugs/kisses on him. I watch for his reactions; is this a ‘wailing he is really hurt cry’ or just a little whimper of a cry? Is he just looking for attention? If this is a wailing, really hurt cry I of course pick him up and tend to him, make sure he is okay. Most of the time though, this isn’t the case and he just wants some attention. When I give him time to figure out that he really isn’t hurt, he usually stops crying after about 10 seconds or so and goes back to playing. Of course sometimes he cries longer and I keep a watchful eye on this, if it goes longer than I think it should (over 30 seconds is about my limit), I pick him up and nurture him.

Both of these methods work well, he stops crying, but why do we have different methods? I mean, I didn’t read a book that taught me this method, what I do just feels like the right way to handle the situation to me and I’m sure that my wife does what feels natural and proper to her.

I see other differences in how we play with Thomas, how we interact with Thomas, even how we encourage him to play with his toys. I think that will be a different article, I kind of just wanted to get the conversation started…

I’m going to link this Wikipedia article I saw when we were deciding if I should stay home or not… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stay_at_home_dad#Advantages This article lists some interesting advantages that fathers instill in children over mothers (as a generalization). Perhaps this all goes back to the book Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus (which I have read). Male and female brains just function differently, we process thoughts and emotions differently, we solve problems differently and we definitely handle stress in different ways.

Do you see differences in how mommy and daddy care for the kids? Please share them in the comments.

First… every parent will judge pretty much every other parent, I think this is a fact of life and just part of how we compare and contrast one parenting method to another. What works for one child may not work for another so judging isn’t always fair because we probably see less than 1% of the daily life of that child/parent (always in the worst scenario, right?). Being able to apologize for the things you thought, felt and said before you had kids is a bit easier once you’ve had kids because you now know the difference in mentality between an adult and an adult with children. You understand that you sacrifice much to make your household work, that you succumb to your child so the days go well. While you may not struggle just to make it through the day, there are hard days and there is sacrifice and you are no longer that same person you were before you had a child. I always have some drive to complete that errand which isn’t really that important but if completed would actually feel like I accomplished something that day. I know that I don’t have to do it, nothing really important will stop working with or without it, but I feel good about it, that puts some accomplishment into my day.

Parenting is the hardest job that I have ever had and I am just beginning. In fact, I feel like our son is easy to care for, has a wonderful disposition, and makes getting through the day easier because he is with me. Of course all of this may change next week or even tomorrow. Each child develops at his or her own speed and each has a differing personality so what works for one child may not work at all for another. That is why there is so much parenting advice out there.

Having touched on 5% of why parenting is so difficult, it was a relief to read Devon Corneal’s blog post titled “It Will Get Better“. There is an upside… things will continually get better, things will continually get easier! Your children will interact with you more and more. Slowly you will regain time for YOU! There will even be a day that you will do things without your kids FOR YOURSELF! While I know all of this to be true, it all sounds like a fantasy… if I were to have a dream, it would be to still have my son in my life and our family the way it is, but also to be my own person again. I know we’ll get there eventually. Parents really do give up a lot of themselves to raise their children.

I don’t want Thomas to grow up too fast or too quickly; he is already doing that, but the thought that we will be able to be active participants in his life, experiencing his daily triumphs and be there for his failures while also once again leading our lives for us does seem pretty appealing. Kind of like having your cake and eating it too in a way. I must be a new parent because having the best of both worlds in that sense is what I would wish for right now.

If you haven’t already, I encourage you to read the article, it put a smile on my face!

This topic is a sore spot for many parents because television is such a great distraction for a few vital minutes while mommy/daddy need to accomplish something without distraction.

The reason I mention this is because I have noticed that there have been different times where Thomas has gone through periods where if he sees the television he won’t tear his eyes off of it unless we block his view with our hand or physically move him; then there are other times where he will seemingly ignore the television for months.

Currently we are in the stage where Thomas may look at the TV for a few seconds, but rarely does he sit and stare at it.

Around two months old Thomas would see the television and look at it in wonderment. He would stare and stare until we blocked his eyes with our hands, then he would grunt in displeasure and require a distraction so he wouldn’t fuss.

This behavior of becoming a television zombie lasted until about the fifth month. This was when Thomas could sit up on his own and really play with his toys on his own. Since the fifth month Thomas hasn’t really been interested in television. Sure he will stare at it for a minute, but he would much rather play with his toys. I’m sure this is just another phase and soon he will be back to the television zombie baby that the American Academy of Pediatrics is so worried about.

The one issue that I took from this article that I do not like is that any background noise from a television could be harmful to the speech development of a child. I suppose their argument is that less interaction with an adult means less speech interaction and that can slow down the process of learning speech. Having a TV on in the background distracts the parent and the child so there won’t be as much speech interaction going on… while I can buy this from a theoretical standpoint, IE those arguments seem possible to me, I think I have to worry about my own sanity a little bit as well.

Since I also care about myself, I leave the TV on during the day and Thomas and I play all day long. I don’t plant him in front of the television as his babysitter by any means but he may watch a combined 5 minutes of TV a day, I’m not concerned about this. I’m not going to do anything that knowingly is harmful to his health, but as there are no definitive or long-term studies on any of the effects of media on children, I feel OK with how we are handling the TV.

I do worry about how much TV he will watch as he gets older but at the same time I look forward to enjoying cartoons with him. Catch 22 I suppose.

Have thoughts on this topic? Please leave a comment and share them!

(Our living room, which we just re-arranged to be more open for when Thomas starts crawling/walking)

I was curious though if more parents do things like this to get the behaviors they want. This is the only song that we sing for Thomas like this and as soon as we do he opens his mouth so we can clean his gums/teeth. He still hates getting his face cleaned, but tolerates it more when we are singing the clean your face song.

Please share in comments if we are just lucky right now or if this behavior will last during toddler age!